you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
