come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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