pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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