Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
