Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
