bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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