I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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