Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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