He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
