Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
