I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
