I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
