That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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