i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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