he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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