Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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