Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
