Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
