Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
