im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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