idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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