put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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