shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
