what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
