Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You pole danced in your parka.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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