mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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