I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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