Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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