I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
