Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
