I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
