If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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