Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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