piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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