i already hear my dad disowning me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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