TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
