I got chris browned last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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