i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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