this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
