My room smells like vodka and shame
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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