my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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