Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
