wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
