i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
