I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
