Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
