We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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