i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
