did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
