Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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