hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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