I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
