he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.