So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
