she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
