why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
smell my finger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
