Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
