He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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