Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
