You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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