i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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