Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
